Dignified or Undignified

Greetings Golfers,

The other day, an old friend sent me an article about the "18 most annoying golf partners”. I’d seen it before … but I was glad to see it again … it’s really hilarious. Humor is always based on reality … maybe these characters are a little extreme - but not much. Hit the link to check it out: https://mcusercontent.com/bd86eb3fc12a71ae51e243cf1/files/16ba6363-c0ea-6a5c-5036-919b479dd2d5/The18MostAnnoyingGolfPartners.pdf

We all know these guys … and as the article says … the only worse thing than to play with them, is to be one of them. Now, we’ve all had moments when we’ve been a little bit like one or even all of them. Ouch. But hopefully, it’s not our normal M.O. 

One of our staff recently told me about playing with a guy who didn’t repair his ball mark on the first green. So he did it. Then on #2, this same guy flicked his cigarette butt on the side of the green. So … our guy picked-up the butt. Cig-man, then asked our guy if he worked here. Obviously, he couldn’t figure out why something would do the right thing if there wasn’t a self-serving motive. 

I think this gets really interesting. Cig-man … didn’t apologize - that would be beneath him … he wanted to know our guy’s motivation. For a lot of people, dignity comes from power … not from acting in a moral way. So what is “dignity”? I always thought it came from self-respect. We’ve all seen movies where the character was poor or an outcast … but had dignity. Not the phony dignity of someone too important to lessen themselves with any show of emotion … but rather the dignity that comes from real inner strength. 

In my old age, I pride myself in doing things like cleaning our locker room and taking out the garbage. I want our high-school kids to see me doing that stuff. Not so they feel guilty that I’m doing it … but that you never want to be too good to do what needs to be done.

 Being too good to fix your ball mark? Oh, I guess that’s someone else’s job … after all, I paid good money to play here!

 When people win prize chits in charity events we host … you can’t believe how many people try to negotiate a better deal than what they won. To me, they’ve sacrificed their dignity … I’m actually embarrassed for them. But they don’t see it that way … because for them, dignity is based on power … so every interaction is a win-lose power game.

 Is it naive to deny the reality of power in our world? Of course … like the people who think bears are cute and want to take their picture holding hands with a bear. Might not turn out well. But … you would think that people would find their dignity and self-respect in acting more civilized than an animal.

 So yes … power is definitely part of reality and needs to be acknowledged. But, things like culture and civilization and dignity and graciousness are ways of living that are about being better than just living a life solely based on power. 

A life based solely on money and power cannot never be satisfied … because it’s never enough. It’s like a shark on a feeding frenzy. 

And not only is it never enough … nothing is ever right … because nothing is ever perfect. 

These folks are not a lot of laughs. Because living like this makes them permanently angry. I think they’re mad at God because the world isn’t how they would have made it. Their religion is Narcissism. Right and wrong isn’t moral … right is what they want … wrong is if they can’t have it. 

They also love to give orders and control others - it’s more of their power-trip. But if people defend themselves against their attacks - the defenders are called “selfish”, etc. Because they think it is their right to act and have whatever/however they want. And sometimes, they contend that they say demanding things because they want things right … sort of like it’s their role to run around and tell everyone how to do things … because they’re the only ones who “care”. How manipulative is that?

 But they’re easy to spot. They never say “I’m sorry” … and never say “Thank you”. Why would they? They should be able to do whatever they want and have whatever they want.

 Why am I saying all of this? Because I never read it or hear people talk about it. It’s become normal … but it’s crazy. Ridiculous sayings like “The customer is always right” … and misguided ideas about empowerment … have led to crazy attitudes of entitlement.

 Sure, that article about the “18 most annoying golf partners” is hilarious. But the attitudes behind that behavior is not hilarious. The article was fun because it didn’t show those characters being mean-spirited … they’re just clueless.

 And probably a lot of the nasty narcissists we all deal with are probably clueless. But maybe they need a clue … by their behavior not being tolerated … and people talking about this ignored subject.

Cheers!

Tom Abts
GM/Head PGA Professional
tabts@deerrungolf.com